Shaky Hands
by SumsMasterpiece
Summary: People who are naturally loud should never go silent. For Miyuki Kazuya, this is very true toward his partner, Sawamura Eijun. But when he starts noticing some differences in Eijun, he convinces him to go see a doctor.


Sawamura has always been loud. He's always been clumsy and dumb, but never the less, Miyuki has loved him for all of his little quirks that make him-him.

So, in the beginning, he would overlook the slightest trace of tremors in his fingers when he was flexing them. He would overlook the slobbiness and smallness of his handwriting when he would leave cute posted notes all around their shared apartment. He would overlook the stiffness in his muscles he would have when Miyuki would message him after practice. He overlooked all of this, but he wasn't ready for when Eijun's voice began to waver when he spoke.

"Please, let's just see what is going on. I'm worried that there's something wrong," Miyuki would always beg his partner. And every single time, he would return with, "I feel fine, so there is no reason to go see a doctor, Miyuki."

Miyuki usually didn't have a response because physically, Sawamura was perfectly healthy.

Until that one game.

They were in their last home game of the season and their professional team has gone undefeated the entire season. All thanks to the unstoppable battery of Miyuki-Sawamura. But in the bottom of the seventh with one out and no runners on, Eijun was waiting for the signal from Miyuki. Asking for a cutter straight into the batter's chest, Eijun nodded and began his windup, but something felt wrong. His hand couldn't relax. The muscles in his hand to forearm felt strained and tight. He couldn't stop the motion thought so he forced himself through the process until he felt his left hand begin to shake as he released the ball from his fingertips. The baseball was on course but it was wild and it ended up hitting the batter in the shoulder. Deadball.

Eijun looked at his hand and it wouldn't stop shaking no matter how much he willed it to. He dropped his glove to the dirt on the mound and grabbed his wrist trying to make it stop. Even resorting to trying to cut off circulation to see if it would stop. It didn't.

Miyuki saw Sawamura's actions. Saw the panic in his partner's eyes. Melted golden eyes swirled with panic and anxiety.

He called for a timeout and ran to the mound, mask left forgotten at home plate.

"What's wrong!" Miyuki sounded frantic. His eyes fell to his lover's left hand. Watched as it trembled and shacked.

"I can't make it stop, Kazuya! Why won't it stop?!" His voice was panicked and waning. Miyuki couldn't distinguish if the break in his voice was from panic or from before.

Kazuya didn't care if he was in front of the entire stadium filled with fans and spectators, all he cared about was this beautiful man in front of him. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him against his chest. "Shh, it'll be okay," Miyuki cooed.

"But it's not Kazuya! It won't stop!"

"I know, baby. I know and I know you're scared but you need to calm down before something worse happens."

Gently rubbing circles into his pitcher's back to calm him, he turned to see the coach heading toward the mound. He made it to the dirt, "What's wrong?" His booming voice actually sounded concerned.

Removing himself from Eijun, Kazuya faced his coach, "I'm sorry Coach, but you might have to do without us for the rest of the game. I'm going to take Sawamura to the hospital to see what's wrong with his hand. Please understand and I'm sorry for being selfish at this moment."

The coach stared at Miyuki's amber eyes then glanced at the scoreboard. They were leading by a lot. 9-1. He looked back at Miyuki, "Make sure he is taken cared of. Watch over your pitcher."

With a nod, Miyuki guided Eijun off the mound and that is when they both noticed how silent the entire stadium was at the moment. As if the entire audience members were holding their breaths.

The examination was over fairly quickly and the doctor was out for awhile. Eijun's left hand had slight tremors but not as violent as it was in the stadium. Miyuki took Sawamura's right hand and interlocked their fingers and squeezed reassuringly. "No matter what it is, we'll get through this. Right, partner?" He brought his hand to my lips and kissed. He nodded even though he had drying tearstains on his face.

There was a knock at the door and the doctor entered with a female behind him. "Sawamura-kun, this is Dr. Rumiko-san, she is a specialist in nerves. Do you mind if she looks over you?"

Nerves? Did the doctor think he had a pinched nerve? But why go through the trouble of searching in the hospital for a nerve specialist. Unless he thought something was desperately wrong.

Eijun nods and lets go of my hand.

Rumiko-san grabs the rolling chair and sits in front of Eijun and asks him to outstretch his hand and do certain movements then finally pressing her fingers in the groves and skin of his hand.

Her lips pull into a frown and Miyuki's heart plummeted at her facial expression.

His hand continued to shake. Even when she said to try and keep it outstretched and still.

"Well, Sawamura-kun. I believe I know what is wrong, but in order for me to be sure, do you mind answering a few questions for me?"

Again Eijun nodded and Rumiko-san pulled out a notebook from her lab coat and opened to a page and clicked her pen.

"Alright, first could you tell me your family medical history that you are familiar with?"

Eijun began to ramble some conditions of his family: heart disease, stroke, skin, and liver cancer. But it wasn't until he said that his grandmother had arthritis is when the doctor quirked her head up.

"Arthritis? Do you remember her symptoms?"

Sawamura bit his lip and began to wring his hands. Miyuki never heard of him talk about his grandmother. Only ever his grandfather and parents.

"Um," he began his voice still having that waver in it. "I don't remember too well, she died when I was five, but I remember her voice was weak and her hands always shaked when she held me. It kind of scared me as a kid. I mean, I always had to move too, because I was so energetic but her movements were sporadic and uncontrollable. She was also really skinny. Her hands shook so bad she couldn't even get a spoon full of food to her mouth and she hated to be fed to."

Miyuki could feel his discomfort for bringing up this could feel the guilt that Sawamura felt of feeling fear toward his grandmother. But that wasn't his fault, how could he understand why his grandmother always shaked. Never in control of her actions.

Rumiko-san closed her notebook and put it in her lab coat. "Sawamura-san, it sounds like to me that your grandmother didn't have arthritis, although shaking in the hands can because of arthritis, but I believe your grandmother had Parkinson's Disease. And if my hypothesis is correct, then I also believe that you are experiencing early stages of Parkinson's."

Kazuya's body felt really cold. As if someone threw the cold bucket of ice water on him after winning the finals. But instead of the pride and happiness that he felt then, this cold was the feeling of dread and despair.

"P-Parkinson's?" Eijun croaked out. His boyfriend couldn't blame him because he was just as shocked.

Rumiko-san began to explain, "Yes, this is a neurological disease that has muscle stiffness and uncontrollable tremors. But it doesn't or won't just be in the hands, it will also affect your speech. Making it sound more weak and breathy and a waver when speaking."

Tears began to flow from Eijun's eyes. Uncontrollable tremors meant he can't relax his entire body. Which meant he couldn't pitch. This was crush Eijun's dream. Their dream. Of being pro baseball players until they could retire and then start a family. But now...

"I thought Parkinson's usually affected elderly people. Why do you think Sawamura has it? He's way too young to even be in the category." Miyuki just can't believe it. The sun of his life couldn't be going through this. He just couldn't.

Rumiko-san said with a somber smile, "You are correct that Parkinson's is more common in the older aged category but there are cases where young people start." She looked to Eijun who was still shocked and still crying. "I am very sorry. If you want, I can set you up an appointment to help you control the tremors and work around them in order to live your life. I can also get you in with a speech pathologist in order for them to work with you in learning how to speak around your tremors."

Eijun wiped his tears and looked up at the nerve specialist, "Why do I need to learn how to speak?"

"Because it'll become difficult to speak your normal way. You'll need to learn to speak in short phrases so you can speak strongly on short exhalations then having your entire sentence breathy and broken."

Eijun clenched his fists into the fabric of his baseball pants, "...okay."

Rumiko-san stands from the chair, "You're very brave, Sawamura-san. This will be a long road ahead of you but I'm sure you'll be able to pull through." She bows and exits the room with the other doctor behind.

We both sat in silence for a long while. Just taking in everything that was said.

One thing stood out to me throughout that entire conversation. Eijun would have to be quiet in order to speak. And something about a quiet Eijun disturbed Kazuya. Quiet wasn't Sawamura. Loud and brash and energetic, that was Sawamura. Quiet reminded Miyuki of his failure. Of when Sawamura had the yips and looked almost lifeless. Miyuki couldn't go through a lifeless Sawamura again. It would probably break him, and baseball and Chris-senpai wouldn't be able to save him this time around.

Taking Eijun's hand again, Miyuki got in front of his face, "We'll get through this. I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere." Sawamura's hand was still lifeless in his own and his head was still downcast and dark. "Eijun. Baby, please look at me." It took a few minutes but he did lift his face to look into his lover's eyes. "There you are."

Eijun's eyes cascaded more tears down his face. "Kazuya," his voice was so weak. "I'll understand," he began "if you want to leave me. I broke our promise. There is no way I can pitch like this, I know you know this. So why don't you find someone who can actually keep their word and who isn't a burden on them,"

"Stop!" I practically yelled it at him making him freeze in fear. "Don't you ever say that you're a burden to me. You're not allowed to talk bad about yourself. Not you. Never you." Miyuki grabbed his shoulders and leaned closer so their noses were practically touching, "You are the one that I love you, idiot. And no matter what happens, I'm not leaving you. Even if you go completely mute and can't feed yourself. I'll be there to take care of you. Forever." Miyuki's amber eyes blazed with his declaration. Because he knew that he needed Sawamura as much as Sawamura needed him. They were forever bound to one another.

Sawamura blinked, tears still flowing. "Just kiss me already, you idiot." And so Miyuki did as he was told. The kiss was short lived as they parted and placed their foreheads together as they steadied their breathing.

"I mean it, idiot. I don't just love you because of baseball. I love you because you're you. We'll tackle this Parkinson's head on like we always do. Right, partner?"

Sawamura smiled his bright smile and kissed Kazuya quickly on his lips, "Right."

As the days, months and years went on, the two had their difficulties but they never stopped by each other's sides. Even when it became difficult for Sawamura to speak and began to not act like his usual self, Miyuki just accepted that this was just another version of Sawamura that he'd learn to love just as much.

And he did.


End file.
